piggy15's Xanga

Note for the river

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 21:52:00 GMT

So, this is how it ends; a simple note written by a simple girl tied to a simple ring that was given in a not so simple romance. You, my dear Sweet, were the best first love I could ever wish and hope for. Fate continually keeps intermingling and separating our lives, and to what degree? Maybe we are made for each other, maybe that is only the dream that my weary heart holds onto. Maybe you are only a small tributary to my wide river of life, or maybe you are the fork in the road that I craftily avoid. Who is to know for certain. You gave me a home when all other turned their backs, yet, in turn, you did the same in the end. I guess all this is a piece of everything or nothing; a letter locking strings of words with punctuation at the end. To say a full good bye is too permanent, too final when I know in my heart of hearts that we will meet again. We are both too much like the chaos theory for it not to be true. I pine for the nights in which I laid in your arms and we talked of a past/present/future where we were inseparable. Those past nights are long dead, like the curling ashes of a gray fire. Sometimes, I can still smell you on my skin or in the air and a forsaken urge to break down and cry for us overwhelms me; I have the strength to stay strong though. The only prayer my heart will allow me to keep locked away is that you have a life with whomever you want whether that is me or Her. I pray you are always happy. I know I made a choice to kill something that could have kept us in love forever, but, I don't regret what I did. It would have been a false love and I couldn't live with that. I have lived with regret my entire life, and through this past year I have learned to drop it all and lead a much more carefree life. I will always love you no matter what happens. I'm just not sure if I can ever Love You again. You see, my Dearest, you have helped cause some of the physical, mental and emotional scars that decorate my very being. To forgive and forget is asking too much of me; however, to forgive is something I can do with grace. Sadly, or maybe not so sadly, I must close out this chapter that is so pronounced in my Book of Life. Maybe you will be written into it again, maybe not. Who knows. I will never forget, but for now I need to walk away, move on, morph into a newer me. Good Bye my Dear, my sweet, my Once Upon a Time. Good Bye.

Love,
Haley, The star you once made lonely wishes on.

Sally's song

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 21:26:35 GMT

Our energy will intensify, multiply, die in the flame of our bed as a passionate scorpion slips into a blissful rest in the sun's house and prepares for long winter nights spent in each others warming embrace. Falling confetti of red-orange-brown-yellow-once-upon-a-life falls to asphalt death and we run through it, breaking and cracking the fragile veins of those things that supply us with oxygen in the warmer lives. Dwelling upon birth-death-rebirth-redeath-cycle-in-cycle-out and the mortality that we hold and break everyday just by breathing in the sweet smell of rot will remain a mystery for the both of us. Talk to me beyond the language of humans and instead seduce me with the Original Language, the one pre-human, pre-animal, pre-life. The language that is nature, violent, passionate, loving, hating and everything else. The Ram will lack patience for the Fish and Scorpion and they are off again on a tantalizing dance of fear and falling. Journey into the unknown with me and hold me up as I slip into the aquamarine waters of my dreams and wake me up only when the purple clouds float over a bloody horizon, bringing news of either life or death that is welcome.

Scream

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 02:40:33 GMT

Yin Yang feeling float through my body, disconnected from normal thought. To leave, or not to leave? To be with love, or see it on a schedule? Sometimes, what seems so right can be so wrong and I'm lost in the foggy abyss of confusion and fear. I can't loose him, but what do I have to give up to keep him? 3 of swords pierce my heart while 10 gets the rest. Sometimes, I want to breakaway, but what happens when there is no one there to catch me? Life sucks, It's too good, then too bad. Sometimes, when I'm driving, I go 80-100 and dream of what would happen if I closed my eyes and let go of the wheel. What does the barrel of a gun taste like mixed with the mental fluids that would slowly drip through the gapping hole in the back of my cranium. "On-Line Now" Flashes and I want an escape, to flee to him and bang on the door, have him hold me and kiss my neck oh so gently like earlier today. Sometimes, I want to kill her, sometimes, I don't. Right now, the mafia is looking friendly as they finger their guns and twirl bats in mastering hands. Save me......................................................

H2O

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 00:46:24 GMT

Water is how I live. Fluid love and emotion that blends purple gold with fiery blue in the eternal nighttime dance of passion and xo's. Memories keep me going through the brazen future and the days of lore push against my skull as I replenish the oceans with my aquamarine tears. Tarot Death means Beginning instead of End. X of sword stick from the bloody body of the innocent and she gets away laughing into the wicked dark. The Hermit slowly shows the way to the Lovers so they can escape into their sunset that was made on the back lot of some studio. Light grenades burst into catalyst skies and you accuse me of empty nothings as you speed away into the night, tail lights blazing red anger at me. Crumpling onto pavement, the only thing I yearn for is your soft touch on my pale skin. Tires screech to a halt and your back at my side, giving me a place to rest my head after a day of the hateful world. Pity piano and violent violins play in the background of my head as I think of how I can never be like them, but is that good or bad?

UPDATE!

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 00:40:34 GMT

Okay....havent been on here in a looooooong time...so heres whats up...
Kurtis and I are still together and I am hopefully moving in with him in March
Im still jobless...
Colorado is cold
I plan on graduating High school woth straight A's my final semester.
And yeah....thats about it!

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 04:31:46 GMT

Cinnamon and copper salt course through her veins as she lays naked to the life around her. Gashes rip skin and sugar blood pours from her mouth as she gasps I Love You to a dying world which she could not save. Heroine bites and cocain kisses ripple through her as she says good-bye to the one she holds most dearly. Nighttime light filters through the thin bedroom curtains that shield her from the outside world where hate and love mingle together in a dance the never ends. Naked breasts and other such things are exposed harshly to winter-time wind and they cannot feel it no matter how hard they try. Silken purple love beats against green envy and red anger as they step into the everlasting sunset and a dreamworld that is as pure as their sex. Red lingerie covers pale skin and she steps out of it and out of her skin into something new, something fresh and lively. "I don't need a hero, I don't need a soldier. I did when I was younger, but now that I am older" I don't need you to be my knight in shining armour even though you already are. Powder sugar lips graze honey suckle skin and they change from two to one and back to two. Rams and fish become one and the world seems oh so right again. So good night my darling, wake me when the blood red sun rises over purple mountains and turqoise silver oceans. Leave me with nothing but a single lilly flower to stare me in the face and remind me of the lovely night from before. Everything turns to love in the end.

YAY!!!!!

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 00:43:34 GMT

HE'S OUT!!!!! HE'S OUT HE'S OUT HE'S OUT HE'S OUT!!!!!

Attempted Murder

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 02:24:45 GMT

Kurtis was stabbed last night. I've been freaking out ever since I found out (aka 3:00 this afternoon) He's okay, he was stabbed in the leg. It was his ex-girlfriend. If I EVER see her...I'll kill her. He's in jail right now. I miss him so much. I feel like a part of me is missing just because I haven't talked to him all day and have been worried sick. Apparently, according to Shayna, aka the bitch who better NEVER show her face around me because I'll beat the living shit out of her, Kurtis hit her, so she locked the doors and tried to drive away and then he stabbed himself in the leg...Yeah, um WHAT THE FUCK!!! What a stupid bitch! His mom, Serena, told me that Shayna locked the doors and tried to drive away WITH him still in the car, so Kurtis reached over and tried to get the keys out of the ignition and so Shayna stabbed him then hit her face with the steering wheel. You wanna know that sad part of all of this? The cops believed Shayna. Yeah, so my boyfriend, my Baby, my world as of Sunday, has been in the hospital all last night and now he's in jail all tonight where they won't give hi any music to listen to, no TV, no books or magazines, a pillow the size of his hand, and he's next to a guy in detox who can't even remember his own name. My poor Kurtis. I can't wait until I see him again. Just like what Caroline said though earlier, I'll probably cry like a little bitch when I see him...we'll probably cry together because we're lame like that. But, in the hospital, Kurtis told Serena to call me and tell me what happened and, this is the cute part, that he's sorry that we couldn't go see the Zoo Lights tomorrow night together. He's amazing. But yeah, so if I end up in jail for murder, you will all know why.

So...

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 00:24:25 GMT

I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!!!!!

just thought I would share that tid bit of info

I lied kinda

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 01:32:48 GMT

Romance is only a LITTLE over-rated...

teeheehee...